You know that image of a pot on the stove? At first, it simmers. But then the heat builds. Steam begins to rise. Eventually, the pot boils over.
For so many midlife women, anxiety feels exactly like that. The steam of racing thoughts, snapping at loved ones, difficulty sleeping, is what we notice. But the real story lives underneath, in the quiet heat of everything we carry.
What You Notice on the Surface
You find yourself snapping over something small. You lie awake at 3 a.m., replaying everything left undone. The tiniest request feels like too much. This is the steam. It signals pressure that’s been building for a long time. It says, "I'm maxed out."
What’s Fueling the Boil
That fire beneath the surface is layered and often hidden. It might be caring for everyone else, children, aging parents, work. Hormonal shifts shake up your sleep, mood, and energy. You start asking, "Who am I now that I’m not needed in the same way?" Old emotional wounds you thought were settled start to burn again. These aren’t surface-level stressors. They run deep and touch parts of your identity you’ve spent decades tending to. And when they stack up, the pot boils over.
When Life Turns Up the Heat
Some seasons turn the burner to high. You may be caring for aging parents while juggling your own health. Supporting kids who are launching into adulthood. Navigating partnership or loneliness. Managing work demands while feeling stretched thin. Trying to be the steady one, the reliable one, the one who holds it all together. This isn’t just stress. It’s cumulative load. And it often shows up in the form of anxiety.
Why Midlife Feels So Intense
Midlife is often a reckoning point, when past, present, and future all collide. You’re managing change on every front with little time or space to reflect. Many women describe it as feeling like the center of a storm. Expected to keep functioning and supporting others, even while quietly unraveling inside. Anxiety in this context isn’t a flaw. It’s your body’s way of saying, "There’s too much."
How Therapy Helps You See the Source
Often, therapy is the moment you realize, "It’s not that I’m broken. It’s that the heat has been on too high for too long." Naming what’s fueling the boil, grief, expectations, emotional labor, creates clarity. And with clarity comes compassion. You begin to see the steam as a message, not a malfunction. And once that message is heard, you can finally begin to respond with care, instead of just coping.
Turning Down the Heat with EMDR and Brainspotting
While awareness is powerful, it doesn’t always lower the heat. That’s where EMDR and Brainspotting come in. These trauma-informed therapy approaches reach beneath the steam, working directly with your nervous system.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) uses bilateral stimulation to help the brain reprocess stuck emotional material, reducing the emotional charge of past experiences. During EMDR sessions, we gently revisit moments your system hasn't fully processed. This might include subtle but lasting emotional injuries, like a parent's critical tone or a moment of failure that still stings. Through guided eye movements, your brain begins to reorganize these experiences, removing the "emergency" signal they've been sending. Over time, what once felt overwhelming becomes something you can think about without being triggered.
Brainspotting accesses deeper emotional pain through specific eye positions, allowing the body to release what it has held for years. In a Brainspotting session, we notice where in your visual field your body becomes activated and stay with it, tracking sensations, emotions, and memories that emerge. It's less about talking and more about allowing your body to process what words alone can’t reach. Many women describe feeling a surprising lightness or clarity after these sessions, as if something heavy has finally been put down.
These methods are especially effective for women who are high-functioning on the outside but emotionally flooded inside. If you’ve ever thought, "I know it doesn’t make sense, but I just can’t stop feeling this way," EMDR and Brainspotting can help bridge the gap between your insight and your emotional experience.
Turning Toward Yourself with Care
You don’t need to fix yourself. You need space to understand what you’ve been carrying. If your pot is boiling over, it’s not because you failed. It’s because you’ve been holding too much, for too long.
Even small shifts can help: one boundary, one deep breath, one supportive session. Choosing yourself in small, intentional ways can begin to cool the heat inside. This could look like saying no without explaining, taking a walk without your phone, or noticing that tiny flicker of resentment and honoring what it's trying to tell you.
If you’re in Austin, Dallas, Houston, the Rio Grande Valley, or anywhere in Texas, I offer in person & online therapy for midlife women using EMDR and Brainspotting to help turn down the internal heat and bring you back to steady ground.
Remember to care for yourself like you care for everyone else. 💜
Keely
